Fuck You Math

As far back as I can remember, I've never liked Math.

I went to Math class because I had to. I did my Math homework because, if I didn't, I wouldn't get out of middle school/high school/college. Not that I never did well in math mind you... I understood everything. (Granted, my multiplication skills STILL suck, but that's why mankind invented the electronic calculator... and put it in a cell phone so you always have it handy.)

Recently, I've gotten pretty gung ho about getting a new car. I've been out car browsing and stuff. I even found a car or two that I figured I could afford that had all the stuff I'm looking for.

And then... I decided to "do the math."

When I "do the math" on almost anything, the math ends up screwing me over in one way or another.

For example, I remember last year I REALLY wanted to go to Vegas for a weekend by myself. It would've just been a fun getaway to play some low-stakes Craps, take in a show or two, and drink copius amounts of booze in the hotel bar.

However, I figured even if I saved enough money against my measly salary, it would be more of a waste than anything else... so I put it on the back burner indefinitely. I was hoping that by the time April 2009 rolled around, I'd get a nice raise along with a phat tax return and take a little jaunt.

Then the economy took a kamakazie nose dive into the proverbial Aircraft Carrier.

No raise.

And that phat tax return? Well, that went to pay off my credit card because I spent WAY too much money on Holiday presents for my family. (Not to mention buying myself an XBOX 360)

So, I'm pretty much back to where I started.

Jump to a couple of weeks ago. I took my car to the shop to see how much it would take to get the suspension fixed and a tune-up. (They also said my air conditioner thingy was on the fritz)

Can you say 1600-1800 smackers?

THAT'S MORE THAN WE PAYED FOR THE FUCKING CAR IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

I then decided that maybe I should just get a new car. That way I can build some credit, give my current car to my sister, and generally feel better about my situation in life. So, I went out and found one or two cars I might be able to afford on my still measly salary. I was excited to go out and get my new ride.

And then... I "did the math." And, of course, it screwed me over.

See, my income fluctuates every month. It all depends on how much work I can get. The summer time is busier because we do WAY more remote broadcasts. Sometimes those remotes have a "talent fee" built in.

But when I did the math, I decided to low ball my income to the minimum I usually make. After factoring in rounded-up estimates of my monthly expenditures I came to one conclusion.

I HATE MATH!

Ok, I know, I'm probably being too hard on math right now, but it still sucks. Even though these days I make more than I did last year at this point, it doesn't look like enough to buy a car. (Not to mention the taxes, fees, insurance, and BMV bullshit)

All things considered, I figure one of three things have to happen if I want to get a new(ish) car.

1. Get a raise at my current job. (Fat fucking chance of that happening this decade)

2. Get a second job to supplement my income. (Yeah right. Like I'm not exhausted enough at work these days since I'm practically doing the job of 3-4 people as it is.)

3. Find a NEW job that pays more than my current job. (Uh huh... nobody is finding work right now. so how the hell do I find something with my limited skills. "Hello. I'm a lousy DJ at a small-market radio station. Can you pay me 30-40k a year plus benefits?" Cue uncontrollable laughter from the interviewer.)


So basically I'm depressed now. Fuck math, fuck this economy, fuck the automobile industry and fuck my job.

Time for a beer or two... or seven.

~Nate-O