What Is Happening

To be completely literal (and therefore sounding like a smart ass), I am sitting at my desk in my apartment in Muncie, Indiana writing in my blog.

In actuality, I'm pretty much just contemplating my life. So far, it's going pretty well. I have a job, a car, a roof over my head (even if it is kind of expensive), food in my belly, and my bodily functions are in fairly good working order. With this rationale, I shouldn't have much (if anything) to complain about... right?

Of course, my loyal readers know that there is one issue I have talked about many times over the almost 500 posts that compose this blog...

My status as a bachelor.

Normally, I would go on a hate-filled rant about how I can't find the right woman and blah blah blah. Frankly, I'm tired of complaining about it. Complaining doesn't get me anywhere and only rarely gets responses like "Oh Nate-O cheer up, there's someone out there for you" or something similar.

Then again, venting my frustration to an invisible audience is also therapeutic. So I guess I'm damned if I do or don't. Therefore, for old times sake, I will once again (for lack of a better word) rant about my single life.

However, as I think about it, it's not really a rant... it's just a contemplation. I'm single because I don't really make much of an effort to find someone. I've done the free dating website thing now and again, but that doesn't work for me. (And I'm sure as hell not going to pay for a site like that... I have bills to pay)

Last night, I think I subconsciously had this same contemplation and then, therefore, decided to go to the bars. My parents met at a bar... so maybe I'd meet my potential mate in the same fashion. The only wrinkle in that was I didn't go out with the intention of wooing a lady. My subconscious has only now decided to catch up with my waking thought process.

I've also sat around my apartment today watching movies with the occasional foray to the computer for a musical interlude and surfing the Internet. Even though it was nice to have a day to myself with no real obligations, I just now figured I would love to have someone to share a day like this with.

Also, for the sake of my contemplation, I've gone back through my memories and thought about my past relationships. Granted, not all of these had the label "girlfriend", but I include them because they had/have that potential. (And I will keep this as anonymous as possible because I don't want to upset anyone too much. However, I will go chronologically because it will help my thought process. This, though, will still make some of them obvious for my friends who remember my failed relationships.)


X: Ah, who could forget. Well, sometimes I wish I could. This drunken debacle can only be described as a great story that never gets old. Nate-O meets girl in math class. Nate-O and girl get uber drunk on purple-label vodka. Nate-O and girl hook-up in a way that only a mid-90's teen comedy could have written. Nate-O then has to re-live this moment every time he thinks about his first time with a woman. This relationship never went past that initial night of "fun". Of course, since she was pretty much a slut, I don't regret that.

Wonky: This is a new nick-name I just made up... but it's indeed accurate. We were on and off in different capacities for a few years. She eventually lost total romantic interest in me and I made the decision to cut off relations completely... because who needs to be reminded, right? A douche move on my part? Maybe. But since she was the first girl I ever thought I was in love with... I think it was for the best. Jealousy is terrible on your self-esteem.

Coolest Chick Ever: Yup. After getting to know her, I thought she was awesome. Laid-back, beautiful, intelligent. She would've made an excellent significant other... except I was always too chicken shit to take the next step. Whether I was too intimidated or just not as interested as I thought is debatable. What isn't debatable is that she's getting married now. Good for her.

The Chick I watched "The Notebook" with: I'll give credit where credit is due here... this girl knows how to make out. Pretty much floored me with her lip and tongue skills after our first session of tonsil hockey. And she liked me... I think. In any event, we never got passed our spiritual differences. We're still friends though.

Lips: This is the chick I've been referring to most recently in TGM. She's a really cool chick and I dig her a lot. Not sure what to make of things just yet.


So, I haven't quite figured out what to make of all that. It was probably just built out of my therapeutic process of getting things off my chest so to speak.

I guess, right now, I don't know how to go about finding that special woman who will make my life even better than it already is. Perhaps that epiphany will happen tomorrow. Maybe ten years from tomorrow. Who knows.

I guess I just have to maintain my faith that, one day, I'll find that person... the one who I won't want to let go of no matter what happens. Keep the faith Nate-O... it's all any of us can really do.


~Nate-O