Clerks 2: An Incredibly Biased Review (Caution: Spoilers)

Hey go-bots,

Guess how many times I've seen 'Clerks 2'? THREE. Yes, I'm that much of a god/loser that I went to see a move three times in less than two weeks. Not that I really care what you think... I just like to brag about stuff like that.

So, before I launch into my review, I'll do a Non-Spoiler review for anyone who hasn't seen the movie yet.

Clerks 2: 4.76 out of 5 Teddy Graham Snacks. (So go see it you lazy fuck.)

Alright, onto the possible spoilers.








I'm serious, there will probably be spoilers.









Were you not listening earlier? SPOILERS AHEAD!








Ok, everyone still here? Good.

I'll start of by saying that this movie is, indeed, very well done. Kevin Smith's cult following had everything to look forward to and they totally got it in this movie. Of course we return to the story of Dante and Randal who, unfortunately, haven't gotten their lives going after ten more years of working at Quick Stop and RST Video. That all comes crashing down when, due to a mishap involving Randal and a Coffee maker, the Quick Stop burns to the ground and our heros are faced with getting new jobs.

Mcjobs that is...

Flash forward to one year later. The two friends are now "Funployees" at Mooby's Resturant. Imagine what it would be like if Disney had a Fast-Food chain... yeah, I shivered too. The story starts on Dante's last day before moving to Florida to begin his new life with his over-controlling fiance Emma.

But, the two hapless ragamuffins aren't alone this time around. Elias, the uber-sheltered 19 year-old Transformers/Lord of the Rings geek, is now the unwitting bane of Randal's existence. He's constanty ragged about his religion, his fondness of the robots that are more than meets the eye, and his sex-life (or lack there of.)

Guiding Dante and Randal through their journey is Becky, the lovable store manager who puts up with the two because of Dante's sweetness and ability to put on toe-nail polish.

The story of Clerks wouldn't be complete without the two men who kept the "Jersey Chronicles" alive for 5 movies. Jay and Silent Bob. That's right, the drug-pushing pals are back following rehab and salvation. (Don't be fooled, Jay still loves the pussy and the foul words. While Silent Bob is, well, you know how Silent Bob is.)

The team of characters swims through a day of what you would normally expect with Dante and Randal around. Harping on Anne Frank, making fun of Elias, a disturbing reference to 'Silence of the Lambs' making fun of The Lord of the Rings, dealing with racist nomenclature, pickle fuckers, pillow pants, and, last but certainly not least, "Interspecies Erotica."

Thankfully, this movie wasn't a total homage to the first one. I was worried there would be WAY too many references to the first movie, but there were only and handfull which, thankfully, were quite subtle.

Ok, I've said enough. If you liked 'Clerks' or ANY of Kevin Smith's movies, go see this. It's totally worth it and you'll be laughing your ass off even after you leave the theatre.


I'm not even supposed to be here today,

~Nate-O