Hamburger Intimidation

Hey diet pills,

So today was my last day of work. I kinda got conned into it yesterday but figured a little extra money can go a long way these days. "Fuck it, I'll go to work," I said this morning after a cup of coffee and a shot of morphine.

Now, onto the real reason I'm writing this. We were in this shitty little po-dunk town called Dillsboro. I swear to Christ there is nothing in this place. At least nothing I would consider civilization (No McDonalds, No Gas Station, No Police, NOTHING!)

Thankfully Ray (the technician I work with) and I find the only resturant in town. Now, I use the term "resturant" very loosly in this case since the entire place was about as big as two dorm rooms put together. The entire place was a smoking section and I thought I saw a racoon carcass in the freezer.

As trepidatious as I dared to show, I ordered a Double Cheeseburger. Now, I expected something in the way of a Double Whopper from Burger King or something similar. Since I was hungry I didn't think to ask questions. And hell, $3.75 for a double burger isn't bad.

Once the burger arrived, I heard all of my arteries slam shut at once. This thing was MONSTEROUS. For all I knew they had injected this thing with toxic waste and it grew to godzilla-like proportions. Needless to say, I was shocked.

Not being one to shy away from a challenge, I dug into burgerzilla. It was difficult because the thing was bigger than my fist and I couldn't get my mouth around a good-enough chunk of the freakshow sandwhich. After half-way through, I decided to just concentrate on the french fries. I was way too intimidated by the burger.

It's been eleven or more years since I've not finished a hamburger. I had to give the cook major kudos for that and an inane intimidation from his god-forsaken burger creation.

Now, I wasn't scared of the burger. I was, as I said, "intimidated." It's like Mt. Everest. I can sit and stare at that mountain for an hour and decide to give climbing it a shot. After half-way up or so, I'd be too intimidated to think I could finish and head back down. That's how it was with the cheeseburgersaurus.

If I ever see a burger that big again, I'll have to remember to take a picture becuase it was fuckin' rediculous. Hamburger nightmares are probably a good posibility tonight.


POA: 72% (Moving to Muncie tomorrow. Woo hoo!)
Previous POA: 68%


Honorable Mentions
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Burger Cook: Mad props to you. You earned that 4 bucks.

The 12 ounces of cow that made up burgerzilla: I pine for you.

Me: Time to think about triple-bypass surgery at 21 years old.


Have it your way,

~Nate-O