It never ends

First of all, I loved going home this weekend. I got to see my neice for the first time ever. She's absolutely beautiful.

But, now I'm back in Muncie, preparing for another week of crap. I've got an exam, projects to plan, meetings, and the big job fair that I'm barely ready for... and that only covers up to Wednesday.

After that will be the OFFICIAL start of Flawless Victory. For those of you who tried to listen in, I aplogize. The webstream wasn't working. It doesn't matter much anyway because we couldn't even get into the studio. I was pretty mad, but Brianne helped a bit. I owe her big time for that.

Also, I'm confused. I'm pretty sure being second fiddle to anyone is not a good thing, but I once again feel like I'm second fiddle to a much bigger entity. I've felt like this before and felt like a total piece of shit. Since I don't even share the same ideas with this bigger entity, I'm... I don't know. I'm being cryptic here for a reason. So you should probably just ignore that last paragraph.

I know I upset another person because I was being a douchebag. I was just in a lousy mood and there are certain activities that cheer me up when I'm in a lousy mood. (i.e. Boobs in mah face and some beer) Thankfully, the boobs in mah face didn't cost as much as many would think and the beer was worth every penny.

Does it make me a bad guy that I enjoy boobs? Maybe my achilles heel is my joy of boobs. Maybe if I didn't go see boobs (which happens on a VERY irregular basis even though others tend to see me as that guy who always goes to the boobie bar, which I'm very much not) I'd have myself a girlfriend.

That's probably a stretch though. I know I'll find a girl who doesn't care if I go the boob place every once-in-a-while just as long as I don't take out a home equity loan to pay for a lap dance. That's pushing it.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'm going to do after graduation. I've rarely thought about it because it's always seemed so far away. Even during the summer I don't think my future after Ball State even crossed my mind. Actually, I take that back because I was wondering what I was going to do about my apartment in December, but then I just filed it away for later.

What the hell am I going to do? My resume' looks like the most generic piece of crap that you could hand to a potential employer. I didn't do an internship, I have only basic (yet manageable) experience in Pro Tools and recording equipment, and my last job was (and still is) flipping burgers.

And I'm the last person who likes to brag about myself. I have all these good qualities, but I don't like to bring it up because I'd rather let my actions speak for themselves. But if I don't get a job, how can I show my strengths?

I can barely keep my eyes open right now... but instead of go to bed, I just chugged another moutain dew. That oughta keep me going long enough to finish this rant.

I'm not even sure where I was going with all this. Maybe I should just sum everything up here at the end.

-My job sucks and I should quit so I can focus on graduating.

-School sucks because I have so much to do and only about 12 more weeks to get it all done.

-The post-college life is scaring the crap out of me, so that sucks.

-I don't have the slightest idea where I stand on the girlfriend front. I should probably ask this one girl out, but I figure if I do she'll just laugh and say, "Yeah right Nate-O. What have you been smoking?" The other girl who I thought was partially interested is too busy with this other guy who I can't even compete with and I should just give up on that right now because it ain't going anywhere. All the other chicks in the world are either not my type or already have a boyfriend. If I do the math, that all sucks a whole lot too.



Generally, I'm no better off than I was a few months ago. I'm tempted to just curl up in the fetal posistion and rock back and forth.

After all that, somehow I know it will all work out. My mom told me this morning that I just have to stick with it. "Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'," she said. (I've never given that movie quote much thought until my mom said it.)

If I was going to fail at all this, I would've failed a long time ago. I refuse to come all this way and fall down in the home stretch. As much as I see December 15th looming over me, I also see it as the finish line.

Wow... I think I've used enough cliches for one evening.

Maybe I'll ask that girl out this week. The worst that happens is she says "No", right?



Carpe Diem... mofos.

~Nate-O