The Scale

Hey people like me who aren't anywhere tropical,

It's Spring Break 2006... and I'm one bored sumbitch. I guess it isn't all bad since I'm working and making my 9 bucks an hour. At least I'll have money when I get back to Muncie so I can get nice and fit-shaced next friday for what will undoubtedly become my favorite holiday.

But, I digress, because as I was running around the lovely yet waterlogged state of Indiana (Greensburg, Rushville, and Shelbyville to be more specific), I got really really bored and started thinking of all the adjectives I've used over the years to describe the nature of events/things/ideas/etc.

For example, when someone tells a funny joke and I get a good laugh out of it, I may respond with a phrase like, "That joke was AWESOME!"

Now I've used a lot of different adjectives. So far, I've used them interchangeably with synonymous intent. But, seeing as how I have nothing better to do, I figured I'd break down each word with their corresponding number on a scale from 1-10. 1 representing the word that would describe something as the least great and 10 being the word describing something VERY great.

(Please note: As I said, I'm incredibly bored. Don't hold me to any of this...)

Therefore, I give you all...

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THE VERBAL SCALE OF GREATNESS *

Zero: Now, any word representing something that "sucks" would fall under this category.

EXAMPLE: Dumb, Crap, Sucks, Stupid, Bullshit, Fucked-Up, Etc...

1 = Okay: This would describe something just above the rank of the "zero" words. It doesn't quite suck, but it's barely great.

EXAMPLE: "Hey guys, that newest horror movie that's exactly like every other horror movie was okay, but I wouldn't want to see it again."

2 = Cool: Seeing as how this word has been really downplayed over the years, it's a fairly easy go-to word when describing something that has slightly more flair than just "okay". Arguably a very malleable word, I simply use it when something is just a bit more important than simply knowing it exists.

EXAMPLE: "So you went and saw that chick from your math class? That's cool."

3 = Groovy: A few odd-numbered words were a little tougher to determine and define. Those are words I don't use as often but tend to fit where the even-numbered words don't. I have been known to use "groovy" on occasion when something is only slightly better than "cool" but doesn't have enough pep to get it passed that plateau. (Also used when I'm tired of saying "cool" because it's way overused.)

EXAMPLE: "That coffee place we checked out was pretty groovy. We should go there again next week."

4 = Bitchin': I tend to enjoy these words that are shortened because "bitchin'" is a way better sounding term than "bitching". It just has a nicer tone and flair to it. Plus, it ranks slightly higher than "groovy" just because it incorporates a little profanity.

EXAMPLE: "Holy shit, that is a bitchin' stereo system! I totally want one of those!"

5 = Sweet: I started using this word after I heard it frequently on South Park. This is the moderate mark on the verbal scale. If I find something "sweet", then it ranks as fairly great. It's not bad, but it's not really great either. This is my go-to word for most things more often than not.

Example: "I was really diggin' those shots we did at the bar on Friday. They were sweet."

6 = Rockin': Now we are getting into the stuff that ranks pretty great. Another one of those condensed words that sounds much better than it's full-bodied counterpart. Something has to be a slight bit better than "sweet" to earn this moniker. But that little bit makes all the difference.

EXAMPLE: "That was a rockin' new Strong Bad E-mail; I laughed a lot."

7 = Excellent: This is another one of those tough to determine odd-numbered words. As much as I rarely use this word, the abundance of syllables plus the easy to understand meaning puts it high on the scale. I'll use this when I want to sound more intellectual. (Unfortunately, those who know me fairly well can vouch that I rarely sound very intellectual.)

EXAMPLE: "I just found out I got an A on my mid-term. That's excellent!"

8 = Nice: Now we reach for the cream of the crop. The words I use to describe some of the greatest things in the world. However, I realize that "nice" doesn't automatically spring to mind as a word associated with the ones already mentioned. But, you should understand that it's the inflection used that generates that sheer greatness of what is being described. Just trust me on this one.

EXAMPLE: "You got the Letterman Scholarship? Nice!"

9 = Kick Ass: We are fast approaching the best word of the group, but there obviously needs to be a intermediary between "nice" and the final word. (You can probably already guess what it is.) "Kick Ass" provides that little boundary, has some slight profanity, and generally reflects utter greatness of your situation.

EXAMPLE: "Dude, that hot chick from my class is gonna come over tonight and have some drinks with me. It oughta kick ass!"

And... the word that describes the greatest things and situations...

10 = Awesome: This was no contest. Seeing as how I'm awesome, there is really no explanation needed.

EXAMPLE: "Nate-O is awesome."


*: There are plenty of adverbs available to enhance these words. Words like freakin', fuckin', wicked, flippin', hella, etc.. are all good. I figure using these will enhance a word about .5 points up the scale.

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Ok, I've wasted enough time. Hopefully there will be another entry before SB06 comes to an end. Peace out homies.



Once again, I'm awesome,

~Nate-O