Ettiquette

Hey all you people,

There are many types of ettiquette in this world. Some of it takes place at the dinner table and some happen in public. One of my favorite forms of ettiquette, however, is the rules that apply at the strip club.

Since turning 21, I've been to a couple of these establishments. For those of you not familiar with this business, allow me to elaborate.

Strip Clubs (aka: Titty Bars, Gentlemen's Showclubs, Topless Clubs, ETC) are places where heterosexual males go and are able to see women with little or no clothes on. For a respectible fee, one only has to be 21 to get in and check out all the naked goodness. Because, according to comedian Ron White, once you see one woman's boobs, you want to see the rest of them.

So, I was thinking about it, and I realized there are certain things that you should and should not do in a Strip Club.

Do's
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-Pay Attention: Normal bars allow for some leeway when it comes to attention. Some talk with a friend, or watch television, or simply enjoy their beer. To me, this is unacceptable practice in a topless club. Sure you should drink when in these establishments and have a good time. But, the primary focus should be on the woman dancing up on the pole. You don't go to a football game and not watch the game, right? Same principle here.

-Respect the Women: Granted, these girls are a step above prostitutes in most areas, but they are women nonetheless. Most places allow for some touching of the stripper while getting a lapdance or whatever, but not in the naughty bits. Unless you want a bouncer to kick the living shit our of you, don't be a pig.

-TIP!!!!: These women aren't getting paid by the hour. They rely on your inflow of dollar bills to pay the bills. If you are fortunate enough to have a nice lady sit with you for a few minutes, make it worth her while. A few bucks or maybe a lapdance can make that girl's night. So do the right thing and pay up you cheap bastard.


Do nots
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-Drunk: If you plan on drinking, do it in moderation. Getting piss-ass drunk is fine at the normal bar, but you need to have some tact at the titty club. There are way too many temptations to do something stupid. So be responsible and go easy on the sauce. (Exception: If it's a guy's 21st birthday or bachelor party. Then you let him have some fun.)

-Fighting: Unless you are a heavyweight boxer or something, you souldn't pick a fight with the bouncer. He's likely to kick your ass... because that's his fucking job.

-Cleanliness: These women (for the most part) go out of their way to look presentable while dancing for you and the rest of the patrons. The least you can do is return the favor. So take a freakin' shower and put on a clean pair of underdrawers.


With these tips, I think we can all have a rather enjoyable titty bar experience. Have fun guys!


Honorable Mentions
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-Strippers: Somebody's gotta do it!

-Robby: Roommates once again!

-Me: I hope I don't end up as the guy who's addicted to the strip club. That would really suck.


That thong tha-thong thong thong,

~Nate-O


PS: Party at my apartment on Saturday. FREE BEER!!!! (Lemme know if you're coming.)