Bill Brasky... The O.G. of random facts

Hey little rascals,

Last night was a good night. After a looooong daaaaay of class and shit, it was time for EGL. EGL = Extreme Gaming Lab. Most people who go in there (minus the people I went with) are Nerdy McGeekinsteins and play MMORPGs like Guild Wars and World of Warcraft. I, on the other hand, was getting my Half-Life 2 on and was activating the cheat codes like a fiend. (BTW: Starfox Assault is FUCKING STUPID!)

After all that jazz, we all went to Steak and Shake at 1 in the morning. It was fantabulous. Placemat art was in full effect.

Then, after taking everyone home, I went to bed around 2:30.

When I woke up, I began my morning routine of surfing the internet. My friends' blogs, my e-mail, facebook, and others are on my "surfing to do list" every morning. Why? Because I'm neurotic.

One of my favorite websites is Collegehumor.com and I love the various pictures, videos, and hotlinks. One hotlink drew my attention above all others this morning. It was a link to "Wikipedia" and it reopened my eyes to a very funny yet seldom remembered sketch from the late 90's version of Saturday Night Live.

The "Bill Brasky" sketches were some of my favorite bits and I never really knew why... until this morning when the answer hit me like an oncoming train full of clergymen. Bill Brasky was the orginal "Random Facts" generator. Way before Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel, or even Stephen Hawking.

Here are some of my favorites:

-"Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky showed up at my daughter's wedding? You know my daughter, she's a beautiful girl. Well, Brasky shows up and you know he's a big fella. Well, he's standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He's got no right to be there, but he's drunk and he's Brasky! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries me and Brasky! We spend the weekend in the Poconos — he loved me like I've never been loved before!"

-"Bill Brasky once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!"

-"Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman's bikini around the office? Brasky tears off my clothes and makes me wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily. But at the end of the quarter, I'll be damned if my sales hadn't tripled."

-"You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle."

-"Did I ever tell you about the time I had breakfast with Brasky? Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for eight months straight. When he woke up, he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin!' "

-"His poop is considered currency in Argentina!"

-"So anyways, Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and walk his pet cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra 'Beverly'. And he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day, it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Brasky had to shoot the maid."

-"Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong!"

-"Brasky ranked 18th in the AP College Football Poll."

-""You know how Brasky served three tours in 'Nam? Well, I'm in Corpus Christi on business a month ago, and I had this eight-foot tall Asian waiter which made me a little curious, so I asked him his name, and sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"


Ahh... what fun.

Long live Bill Brasky, a ten-foot-tall, two-ton son of a bitch who could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing!

~Nate-O